Tuesday, December 23, 2008

*Tiny Miracles*

After Miles died there started to be discussions about what would happen now. Would they do a funeral or just a grave side? How much are things going to cost? etc.

Well it turns out it is really expensive to die.

Mark and Ashley (and my Dad) when they were dressing Miles.

The family came together and offered to do different things to alleviate the costs. My brother Ryan, an expert wood worker, would make the casket and my mother would line it and also make his burial outfit (out of Ashley's wedding dress material). I would make the program and guest book for the funeral services. I posted pictures of both on my other blog. My brother who is the general manager of a Taco Bell asked me to make a little sign for a jar to put in his store next to the register. You know, the kind people throw their change into? Well, that ended up making quit a large sum of money for them. Connie and my mom and I made the boats that we used for the center pieces.

For the guest book I wanted to be able to use the pictures that the professional photographer took, but Mark and Ashley told me she said it would take a couple weeks before they were ready. I called and asked if I could get them before the funeral and she had it *done for me on Sunday.* That gave me a week. Now typically when I have a lot of things on my plate that I need to get done the words that best describe me are: stressed, frantic, moody, panicked, and rushed. But this time I did not feel that, I felt *peace*. I could sit down to read books with my kids without thinking, "I don't have time for this, I need to work." I was able to put up my Christmas decorations and take care of my kids without anxiety. The house work did go undone and I went to bed later than usual, but something had to give. But, my kids did start sleeping in to times like *9:00* So I was not a tired as I could have been. On Tuesday my visiting teachers were coming and I thought of calling them and telling them it was not a good week, but decided it would be okay. I am so glad I did. They came teaching a wonderful message and they gave me a copy of a *beautiful talk* that reinforced the feelings of peace I was already having. I believed this kept things calm in our home. Not only was I not stressed, I was confident that I could get things done, and without spending hours online looking for ideas (I do this sometimes and sometimes I find things and sometimes I don't. Either way it is hours wasted when I am capable of doing it on my own). *I finished it on Wednesday* which is fast for me. Then I had the rest of the week to do the centerpieces and programs. Since then I have been working very hard to get everything made for Christmas and I am very glad to say I am almost done. I am so grateful for all the tiny miracles that have happened to help me a long.

The funeral was beautiful. You might not think there would be much to say about someone that only live 2 days, but there was and it was all very sweet. Can you tell I had been crying?

but my kids can *ALWAYS make me smile*.The only thing I would have changed is I wish I had gotten to say hi to more people. I saw them and was so glad they were there and I wanted to say, "hi" but I didn't. I am glad for all the people who have been supporting my brother and sis-in-law through this.

Miles funeral was on Saturday, but he was buried on Monday (did you know the charge a lot of overtime to bury in Saturday?).

It was very cold outside, and we kept it very short. And I don't know about everyone else, but it felt good to have all the formalities over with. It feels good to let him "rest". I will never forget this little boy. He has a strong spirit and I feel blessed to have felt it.

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