I'm back...I think

Whew! This pregnancy has been rough, just like all the others. Because my last pregnancy happened at exactly the same time three years ago I was able to predict that I would be feeling well by April 28th. Because that is what I wrote on my blog three years ago. Well that date has come and gone and I am still taking medication. I have been taking Reglan three times a day but yesterday I didn't take it at noon or dinner and did okay (meaning I didn't throw up). This morning I woke up and go up to go to the bathroom before eating or taking a pill and ended dry heaving at the sink for what felt like forever. So I took a pill and went back to bed. When I did get up I did okay the rest of the day. So I will be taking a morning pill for awhile until things change. I still feel nauseous most of the time and exhausted all of the time. I can eat pretty much anything I want and my biggest craving is for watermelon. I eat it all the time.

The kids have been so SO good and understanding about this whole thing. Once I heard Gracie say that she didn't want to get married and have babies (which is opposite of things she has previously said) because she didn't want to get sick. That broke my heart, but what will break my heart more is if I do pass this on to my little girl. It really is so hard. I would like more kids but I don't know if I can do this again. I explained that it might not happen to her and that my mother didn't get sick. What I do know is that if this ever happens to a daughter of mine I hope to be able to be their for her like my mother has been there for me. She let us move in for about 3+ weeks. She took care of me and my kids and she did it happily and willingly. And she still comes over to help and clean when she can. I am sure I would have survived without her but not without very, very hard times and very, very dark thoughts. I am so grateful that neither my kids nor I had to suffer that.

My first Sunday back to church that I stayed the whole time for the lesson in Relief Society was about enduring trials well, or something like that. I was pretty discouraged because I didn't feel like I had endured this trial very well. I hadn't said a lot of prayers or read any scriptures and I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. At the end of the lesson they talked about what we learn from our trials and as I sat there and thought about what I have learned from this the tears started to roll down my cheeks and would not stop. Here are some things that I learned:

*I love my mother and there will never be a way for me to adequately thank her for what she has done for me and my family.

*I love my children and my role as their mother. It is very hard to lay in bed and hear someone else parent them, even if I am extremely grateful for it.

*I am so grateful for my sister Connie, she brings so much happiness to my children whenever she comes around and she did it frequently. She is still calling me offering her help. She brought me movies and books even though I was too depressed to read or watch them. She tried so hard to make me feel better but I doubt she will ever know that just her presence did that.

*I love Russ so much. I nearly burst into tears every time he walked in the door from work. I looked forward to it all day. Having him near me made me feel better inside even if I did throw up more when he was around. He supports me and strengthens me and has been so understanding. I know it is not easy for him to leave our house but he does it without complaint and I am thankful for it.

*It is hard for me to rely on other people but man am I glad they are there. Thanks to everyone who helped me or my family in any way. Even just kind words from friends meant so much. 

*The Lord is there and waiting, He doesn't take everything away but He does help us through it. I wish I had relied on Him more.

I am hoping to be back to home school by next week and have my life in a little bit of an order by then. I have been feeling more and more like myself. Hopefully this won't go on too much longer. Its 9:30pm and passed my bedtime. I am tired and crying and I think I just need to go to sleep. I have a lot of catching up to do on this here journal of mine. Hopefully it won't take too long.

car wash for FHE

4/29/13

Oh no!

I was feeling a lot of dread as I took these pictures but couldn't help but smile for him because he was so proud of himself. Since this day we have had a lot of nightly interruptions. 

4/29/13

Meeting Lennon

Abe and Jessica's baby, Lennon took a long time to get here but it was worth the wait. The kids were so excited to meet her. 

Sweetest little chubby cheeks.

Burying Hedwig

Just 4 days after we got the chicks William and Gracie came running inside in tears to tell me that Hedwig had died. It was very sad. At first we thought she was too hot outside but since she was the biggest and the other chicks were okay I think maybe she was just sick. 

That night after dad came home from work we buried her in the back yard. It was very sad and the kids still talk about her but this is one of the experiences we knew they would have if we got chickens and they handled it really well.

4/24/13

The Pool

We drained our pool for the winter because we knew we would need to resurface it before the next summer. When it came time to get it done we didn't feel like spending $5,000 on it so we had someone come sand the bad patches to discourage algae growth and filled it back up.

 We let the kids go down and get their feet wet.

 Then they asked to get their suits on and we decided to let them they had to much fun swimming around that night. 

(4/23/13)

Chicks

 Our Friends Rusty and Natalie found themselves with a lot of chicks and we wanted to have some so they brought us five. The kids were so excited and immediately picked out which one was theirs and named them.

 This is William with Hedwig.

 Joseph with Pumpkin (he did say Avatar too but ultimately it ended up being Pumpkin).

 And Gracie with Cutie, the smallest one.

They are so sweet with them.

 Joseph decided to read them a book.

We kept them inside for awhile at night cause we thought they would be too cold and one morning Joseph came into my room to show me Cutie. 

This is how he was transporting her.

4/21/13

EVMCO Chior

 On April 19th William and Gracie had their first concert with the East Valley Millennial Choral Organization. There was a lot of hard work put into it so we were all very excited to see the outcome. The kids turned into quite the goofballs while I was taking pictures of them before leaving for the show.

Here we are waiting for the show to start. 

When Gracie's little choir came out she was one of the first to come onto the stage and she stood front and center next to the director. She was so cute up there singing Oh Happy Day and Onward Christian Soldiers. At the end when she was walking off the stage she looked into the audience and waved. It was pretty cute. Williams choir was huge and the harp totally blocked his face most the time which bugged me so bad. I wanted to stand up so badly, but I didn't. On what I think was the last song (and I can't remember the title right now) the adults came out and sang with them and it was so beautiful and powerful that I couldn't help but cry. I talked to the kids about paying attention to the feelings they had while singing on the stage. I hope they could tell how good it sounded and how wonderful they did. I still haven't signed them up for next semester cause I can't decided if it is something I want to commit to when I will be having a new baby but I would hate for them to miss out on the Christmas concert. We will see what happens. 

So close

Joseph trying to dress himself

4/15/13

Easters 2013

I am so grateful for my mom (I will be saying that always) she did everything she could to make Easter special.  I had actually made it to a store at the mall one day when I took Gracie there for a birthday party. I was able to get Joseph a pink shirt (his request) and a dress for Gracie.  My mom was already going shopping so I gave her some money and ideas for maybe some outfits for Saturday and some stuff for Easter baskets. She did not disappoint  The kids looked adorable. She also died eggs with them one evening when I ventured out to see The Host with Connie.

These are the two that Joseph did and as he held them he said, "I yuv dem."

Heading out to the Huston Easter Egg hunt.

I was so glad that I felt good enough to walk around a bit and take a few pictures.

Then we went to Connie's and the kids watch some Avatar with her while I took a nap until Russ got off work and then we headed over to Don and Mindy's for the Christensen hunt.

We had a tough time getting a nice picture. It was a nice evening, but would have been better if I didn't end the night throwing up in their bushes. Oh well, it had been a long day.

The next morning we put out their Easter baskets and there wasn't much to them but the kids loved them and were so grateful.

Joseph unloaded all the contents and carried them around saying Happy Easter. Then we got ready for church and I decided I was feeling well enough to go.

Joseph was so excited about his shirt and knew he looked so handsome.

Too bad the excitement didn't last. This is what the last half of church looked like. He and I were not happy campers.

All in all it was a great Easter (and the THIRD one I have spent sick like this). I really do wish I could have felt better, but under the circumstances it went really well.